The First Time
by Chibi Chibi Chibi Sensei
Summary: There is a first time for everything. Good or bad, it'll come to everyone eventually. Among them, dealing with death of one close to you is among the hardest to deal with. Coping is the challenge that befalls these individuals. (One-Shot, Dark Themes, Major Character Death) COMPLETE!


**|Never Let Me Go|**

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I retrace those same steps that I've taken so often..

It's something that has become a habit for me, almost muscle memory.

Several times this year I have been to this very place. It's snowed a few times but now the trees are out. Life has grown back and that's what matters now.

The first time I tread this path I thought I was dreaming. An eternal nightmare that would never let me go. A hard tug on my hand that weighed me to the ground. A stationary time where nothing would move forward. Where I was trapped moving forward when everything else seemed to stop.

The first time I stood there, I never knew something like this was possible. I wanted to believe it was fake. I wanted someone to tell me that all of this was an illusion created by magic as punishment. I needed a warm embrace to whisper my fears away. Instead all I could do was stare with a longing hope.

The first time I left this site, I never truly left. My heart, my mind, my soul would never leave. I could never abandon this place, as it was something dear to me that I could never get off my mind.

The first time I didn't go I thought I would collapse. They thought it was unhealthy. They believed that I needed to stop, or else I could never move on. But they were wrong… Even if I never went I would never move on. After all how could I…?

The first time I resumed to daily life, I couldn't take my mind off of him. I would space out and do my job incorrectly and seem off. I couldn't function properly because there was a part of me that was missing. A machine needs many parts to work, once it loses a single piece then the whole machine refuses to perform.

The first time I tried to drown my sorrows away, it burned through and back. The simple swig of a bottle scalded my throat but at the same time it dulled that edge. What I lost was temporarily filled with the poison from a bottle of liquor. I was prone to mood swings and anger while drunk but I couldn't help it, everything swayed but my life was the same.

The first time I tried to lean on someone else, it ended in failure. They couldn't drag me out of my haze. I was caught up in the same day that repeated in a vicious cycle. They did what they could to bring me back to reality, but I wasn't ready. I'm still not ready to come out of that moment. I cherish it and refuse to let go.

The first time I tried to move on, I knew I couldn't do it. I tried to put a spin onto things, believe and take action in the words that he told me. 'Be Happy!' but how can I do that when I'm all alone? I tried my best but it was harder than it seemed. I'm still trying to cope with it, and it's been many years since I've tried.

The first time I tried to forget the pain, it was all skewed with regret. From man to man, from date to date, from new purses to expensive dinners, it was all hollow to me. The hole left behind could never truly be filled by someone. I realized I was just trying to fill in your shoes, but no one could ever live up to be the man that you were.

The first time I tried to fulfill my duties, I failed our friends. They did as I said and we truly did good for the supernatural but there was something that kept me from going all the way. Their faces and smiles always reminded me of you. How you were the one that helped to protect these feelings, that you were the one that allowed them to grin another day.

The first time I refused to accept this fate, it ended like it should've. I dabbled with death and resurrection. I truly believed that with what we have now, bringing the dead back to life wasn't impossible. I searched high and low, earth, heaven, underworld, anything that had a possibility of containing a method to bring back what was missing. Of course, I never found it.

The first time I harmed myself felt good. I could feel the pain outweigh one another. It was just like a bottle of wine or whiskey, it wasn't good and I knew it, so did everyone else that told me the same. But it was sweet relief at the worst of times. The same feeling that could not be obtained anywhere else through anything else.

The first time I tried to end it all, I was a fool to try it. I was close, had I've done it a few seconds earlier I may have joined you in the after life. But that wasn't what fate had in mind for me. I was stuck in a shell that I couldn't crack. One that I couldn't slowly break away at. It hurt too much.

The first time I accepted what had happened, I felt a weight lift off of my heart. The pain never faded but at least I could do something besides crying to my pillow and wishing you were here. I was able to return to my duties as a King, as a figure head and leader of the newly shaping world.

The first time it was a year after you passed, I locked myself in my room and wrote in my diary until my hand cramped. I thought about every moment we shared together, all the adventures and thrills that we've been on together. Every heartache, every cry in happiness, and even the dull times I translated into the pink heart lock diary. For me those were the times that I could say I was truly happy.

The first time I was able to talk normally, people began to forget what had happened. They say people die not one but thrice. Once when you are born, a second when you die, and a third for when your name is last spoken. Twice you may have died but I refuse to let the third ever happen to you. I made sure to remind others of your memory, of your contribution and saving actions that kept everyone alive.

The first time there was a memorial event for all of the supernatural to commemorate you, I had to give a speech. I broke a few times into tears but I stayed strong and finished it like you would've want me too. I kept my sappy feelings out but it was powerful and I knew it. The venue I spoke at had much of the audience including the Gods and top ranking officials spilling tears or crying outright.

The first time it became an annual holiday I was overjoyed. You never would experience that third death that I had fought to prevent. Now you are not only in the history book but a day of the year. A day that no matter how hard someone may avoid it, is inevitable and for that one day will be on the lips of every inhabitant.

The first time I realized what your words meant, I couldn't have cried harder. I realized what those last words you to me meant, all of it and how deep they truly went. I was shown a new world that was far more positive and filled with the things that you had loved. I will always be grateful for what you have left me with.

The first time I saw a friend got married, I couldn't help but think what we could've been. I couldn't help but imagine myself in the wedding gown and being walked down the aisle as you awaited for me at the altar. Where we would exchange our vows and words of devotion with one another. The day in which we would formerly commit our lives to one another and truly be one.

The first time I babysitted, I thought of what our child might've been. I imagined the days filled with joy, in which we would spend time together with our child giggling in happiness and bliss. The times we would spend arguing about who had to get out of bed in the middle of the night to feed our baby. Watching them take their first steps and say their first words.

The first time I saw that same kid get married, I dreamed of us being those very parents. Watching our baby go through school and land themselves a date. Eventually one day doing the same things that we did when we were their age. The love and pride we would have watching them was something that we were never able to experience.

The first time I realized I was getting old, I became happier. Every day i went through, was another day I was closer to being with you. We would reunite, life had denied us but death wouldn't be able to stop us. When I get there I want to hug and hold you, and never let you go again.

The first time I realized my time was coming to an end, I had a flashback to the last day of your life. You were there lying on the ground covered in blood, you didn't have much time but you were there comforting me and wiping my tears away. You smiled and talked through your pain. You asked for one simple request that will always stick with me 'Never let go'.

This is the last time I'm coming here. They say I have a few months left but I know better. I changed my last name, and bought some rings. I'm keeping one on me, and putting one here. Today is the last day I'll walk these grounds. I hope you're waiting for me. Because I promise you my love, I won't keep you waiting for much longer.

* * *

**_Here lies Issei Hyoudou._**

**_And his beloved, Rias Hyoudou._**

* * *

Following the night of the burial, two faint outlines could be seen rising from the dirt. Floating over the tombstone they join together and vanish into the gloomy sky.

A voice could be heard during this instance.

It said…

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"I've been waiting."

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Well, guys, this was my attempt at a one shot. I kinda tried to craft it to be somewhere between sad and happy yet sorta fulfilling?

I wanted to dabble in this sort of idea and playfield so here's the random result.

If you've made it this far then I would like to thank you for reading this and I hope you were affected in some way or another.

If you want more stories like this then definitely do request as if I do get enough I will most certainly pump another one out just different, obviously.

See ya guys.

\- Chibi3x


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